Comedywire Faves // March 2nd, 2018
- Jennie Newman
- Mar 3, 2018
- 2 min read
I somehow have been living under a rock and just joined Comedywire! I'm obsessed with this site now, and am going to start highlighting here my favorite one- and two-liners I've written each day. Out of the jokes I wrote, these are the ones that were either Featured, Trending, or I just really liked! If you'd like to follow me on Comedywire, my handle is @jennieisawesome!
Here's my favorites from today:
Bandit who saw bank robbery as his job heads to prison again. Well, what do you expect from someone who only has their heist school diploma?
Florida one pettily dishes out 49K pennies to pay $493 water bill. That water company must have had A LOT of thoughts.
20-ft tall, 20,000 lb busts of US Presidents are rotting on a farm. What did they expect when they put them out to pasture?
Couple Request Photo of Jeff Goldblum in Their Room, Hotel Obliges & Then Some. Hotels, uh... find a way.
March 1st was Justin Bieber's birthday, he's 24. Oops, I forgot to get him something. Is it too late now to say sorry?
The moon is now a Wi-Fi hotspot. There's been a lot of Buzz about this lately.
YouTube says moderators mistakenly shut down conservative channels. To be fair, they DID have to wade through a lot of red tape.
World's largest-ever airplane does first runway roll. The pilots will sit in the hung-like-a-horse pit.
Woman is trapped in house because she's allergic to snow. Unfortunately her friends just think she's a flake.
Couples clutching AR-15 rifles renew wedding vows. The one time a shotgun wedding is preferable.
Up to 12 women bruised with paddle in Pa. sorority hazing. The name of the sorority was Phi Slappa Gamma.
Dr. Pimple-Popper is about to become a reality TV star. She incysted on her own show.
Kristen Wiig Reportedly in Talks to Play the Villian in 'Wonder Woman' Sequel. She's taking Santa Monica Blvd. to Cahuenga, then north on the 101, and a right on Barham to get to the meeting.
'Fresh Prince of Bel Air' Reboot Could be Coming With a Princess. I'm pretty sure this was called The Nanny.
'March for Our Lives' Rally Bumped From National Mall by Talent Show. Is somebody going to take this up with the Supreme Food Court?
North Atlantic right whales are on the brink of extinction. Yes, yes, we're all looking forward to November.
Drunk man takes $1,600 Uber from West Virginia to New Jersey. In related news, Uber driver willing to drive ANYONE to get the hell out West Virginia.
Amy Schumer Gets Shamed for 'Tiny' Engagement Ring. Remember, it's not what's on the outside that counts, what matters is on the Inside, Amy Schumer.
Neflix Superhero Film Past Midnight to Star Keanu Reeves. Sad.
$5 billion in student loans may be dismissed because the lender lost the paperwork. This has lost my interest.
Uber launches Uber Health, a B2B ride-hailing platform for healthcare. Most people will still only be able to afford "Uber Xpect to die."
Why the Army Is Having a Fitness Crisis. Kinda their fault soldiers prefer to crawl...
